Have you ever noticed the similarities, or on the contrary, the total opposition that we can have with our parents? Have you often been told that you look so much like someone in your family, even though you never knew them? Did you ever realize that you had acted in the same way as one of them or in a way that was totally opposed to your whole family?
Children are particularly suggestible. They learn a lot and do the best that they can to deal with the life that they have. In the company of their parents or tutors they learn to behave, integrate values, beliefs and develop their skills. They are very strongly hypnotized by the people who are the most important to them and by family ties. A child can capture unconscious beliefs and desires and has great creativity.
Like a plant, they will grow up formed by the care given to them. They will integrate knowledge and develop their unconscious mind on the path of life through the past experiences of parents, or even grandparents and above all will integrate a Self-Image. They need an environment that is positive for their development and, above all, a safe and loving environment. In a healthy environment children will naturally integrate these parameters. Over time they will realize that some parameters do not suit them because, after all, the times have changed and they are real individuals after all who may have other aspirations or needs than have been nourished for them. With the foundation of their past they will build their lives their own way. This is called growing-up, gaining in maturity.
In a hostile environment they may choose to use their creativity to get by. Some of these choices will be real life forces, others will be disabilities. In a violent environment, as a child, you may find it interesting to dream so as not to be too present at the most violent time. Dreaming is a way of dissociating oneself from reality.
Violence may also be integrated, which will be experienced as a malicious presence in oneself (e. g. the inner critic). This can allow us to be stronger in our environment, more acceptable, as the child of an abusive parent, with the hope of being loved more by the violent tutor, but there will be a conflict between the true Self and the introjected violence.
When we have very giving parents we can also integrate this way of living, but sometimes to the detriment of ourselves, because kindness can only be lived well if we are also being kind to ourselves. Parents can also teach us this.
Thus, a neurotic (and therefore normal) psychological structure can develop different, even paradoxical, parts of oneself (for example, the energetic and the lazy self). Each part was born at a different age under the influence of their close environment. However, in this case, the way of living is guided by our past life and is not necessarily the expression of our true Self and does not really allow us to be oneself and happy to be so.